I never forget how good it feels to just type and let everything I wish I could say, scream, just flow out of me.
It's been around 3 months since I moved in with my dad and I can tell I've changed a lot.
Or at least thats how it feels.
I've joined a DBT group; it was sort of my Psychiatrists last wish, even if she didn't know it. Dr. B. had been prompting me to find/join one for a few months before I stopped seeing her and even though I wasn't seeing her anymore I knew that her advice was still valid. After seeing her for 5 and a half years I really built up a lot of trust for her and if it wasn't for money issues I'd probably still be seeing her now.
Of course now that I've pretty much neglected to call/notify/anything her since January I won't be seeing her again.
DBT is good though. At first I wasn't sure about it because the other women were so much older but eventually a women who was still older but much more upbeat, if not happier, and things got better.
Then K, who I met back in 2006 showed up. I was so thrilled!
Not only a person I knew and trusted (we were 16/17 when we met and both had tried to kill ourselves, knowing someone is just as crazy as you and won't judge you for it really is a good common ground) but someone younger who I could relate to for a change.
I'd almost say I liked DBT.
Of course I'm not sure it's really helping much with certain things.
I'm still bulimic and I've been having insanely powerful urges to cut again.
I did however take the iniative and tell Hedi (my therapist) about them.
I've never told anyone about urges before acting on them without being prompted first.
It was a huge step from me, the self proclaimed 'hater-of-therapy'.
I guess I don't hate therapy...it's uncomfortable.
Isn't change always though?
So I've made that change and I've also got a number for a new Psychiatrist in the area and even though it's been a while since Hedi gave me her number I think I'm going to call the nutritionist that Hedi recommended back in September as well.
Might as well tackle it all in one fell swoop.
