Friday, January 7, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
New Year, Same Old Issues
Hi y'all.
If you've seen my last post (which I'm too lazy to go back and either delete or edit) you can probably tell that I've been in a bit of a rough spot.
Or at least I was for a bit there.
I overdosed on clonazapam 8 days before Thanksgiving. I spent a bit in the good ole' ward (my first time since August 2007) and got popped back into the real world more of a mess than I was before the whole situation.
Honestly, not even I know what exactly I was playing at there.
I don't know why I did it, or well, I do but it doesn't make sense or play by any rhyme or reason.
I guess that is the nature of mental illness.
I left the hospital the day before Thanksgiving and on my discharge papers was a reminder of my past that I'd really stopped thinking of too much.
'Borderline Traits'
Borderline personality disorder has been something that's been revisited again and again for my doctors.
Every single diagnosis I've had, whether diagnosed my a doctor on paper or casually mentioned is somehow connected to this.
I feel like this one diagnosis controls my 'on-paper-fate'.
It's like I'm a bundle of over-exposed nerves and sometimes I just can't stop feeling.
I'm supposed to hear from my Psychiatrist this week about a DBT group and starting 'specialized' treatment but I can't help but think sometimes that I'm just going nowhere.
I pretty much bombed this semester, just like Laura W from Castlewood said I might if I took on too much, but the kicker is that I was barely taking anything on!
I'm ruminating on this now, which probably means I'm overtired and need to put myself and this post to bed.
Sweet Dreams
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