There she goes again

*sigh*
I suppose I set myself up for this.
After writing a long tangent of a post about my cousin Xavier I should
have known he'd start acting like a giant tool again.

I mentioned how I get along better with his sister even on his best
days, but now his behavior with her is starting to eclipse any real
hope.

My cousin Haley is 8.5 years old (when you're 8 that half counts a
whole darn lot) and is basically me 11 years ago.
Well, Xavier is right around the age where boys are really little
human garbage cans, they eat anything(as long as there's no
nutritional value), they collect everyones waste/seem like a waste,
and if your not on top of them about it they start to smell like crap.
Besides being a normal teenager X has a bunch of angsty crap on top of
it; he clearly shows symptoms of ADHD, his dad has pretty much just
started being a minimal part of his life after a stint in the pokey
and years of not being around before then, and besides that X's mom
works a whole bunch of weird hours. She works at a huge chain store
that has a history of human rights violations and also is starting to
own the world( and used to have a smiley faced mascott named Sam) and
usually works from 10-6,12-8 which really doesn't leave much time for
two young kids.
Both Xavier and Haley really seem negativly influenced by that, and
more over by the fact that the time their mom is home is usually all
"mommy time" and they're pretty much roaming the house (and the
neighborhood) for stuff to do.
Anyway, Xavier seems to translate any feelings he has about that, or
really anything, into agression with Haley.
Last night in the car with me after a target run for school stuff she
almost randomly came out and said, "I just get put down so much."
I almost died.
Not only did she say that in such a put together way, but it's
upsetting she HAS to say that in the first place.
After X teased and tortured her right after we got home she said, "It
just seems like the only people here who don't pick on me or tease me
are you, your mom, and grandma."
It makes me sad and scared me.
She doesn't deserve this at all.

Sometimes I want more than anything to wish she could have clung to
someone else instead of me.
It's painful how similar she is to me at that age. She's turning 9 in
November and going into third grade.
That's when I first started purging to make myself "feel better".
And what's worse is that if she does start something like that, or
restricting no one will be able tell unless they're looking for it
because her body is so so advanced for her age.
She's already 5'1 and weighs somewhere around 123lbs which is in the
normal range. The thing that makes her sometimes look bigger is the
fact that she's still got 8 year old tummy, only she's a foot taller
than some of her class mates so its proportionatly sized too.
And seriously, that little girl is freaking feirce, she's an inline
speed skater and practices for 2.5 hours 3 times a week, seriously
she'll kick some major ass if you try and mess with her.
Anyway, the point is Xavier needs to get his act together (so do his
parents) and leave his sister in peace; and we've all got to watch out
for Haley, the last thing I want for her is to add body image/ eating
disorders to the list of shitty stuff nature/nurture have 'blessed'
her with.






Here's Me Xavier and Tara before Haley was born, and then Me Haley and Xavier on Haley's second christmas ( a little more than 1 year old)




and Here's Haley and Xavier a last summer
Here I am a couple months after I started purging