Rough Sailing

Hi Lovers,
Unfortunately things are looking kind of rough where I am now, and it currently looks like I'll being going back to inpatient treatment for the first time in almost 3 years.

The last three years have not been a joy-ride, but something has changed this year.
After finishing my first semester of college, and even I suppose to a lesser extent during that semester, I began slipping into a peculiar sort of depression.

I don't feel particularly sad like I usually would when I'm depressed, but I still meet the criteria for a major depressive episode.

It's more like a drained feeling, I'm just so so exhausted by everything.

As time has gone on I've been using negative behaviors to combat these feelings, and now I'm in a ditch.

It's hard to get into without using specifics, and while I realize that no body actually reads this, let me dream and believe someone could be bothered if I did.

I've got to call Renfrew sometime in the next few weeks to schedule an evaluation and get on the waiting list for whatever level of care they think I need, and then after the semester ends I'll pretty much just be waiting for their call.

The semester ends on May 12th I believe, so less than 2 months away.

Right now it feels like I'm admitting defeat for even thinking about treatment again, but my primary care physician and my therapist both agree that that's the road that is clinically indicated right now.

I've got to see my psychiatrist sometime next week I believe, and tell her about all of this, as well as fix this ADHD medication thing, so that'll be a stressful visit.

I'll probs post at least a few more times before anything happens and I'm pretty sure that my team will agree with me that when I'm doing well, blogging and writing is definitely something that helps me keep my momentum going so I'll probs be posting more after this whole situation is over with.