*le sigh*

Insomnia seems to be my new bff right now.

I woke up at 8 this morning and even went out and got pumpkins today, but still I'm not at all tired.

Of course it could have to do with the diet coke, or the computer, or any number of things.

I really thought it may have been my concerta keeping me awake, but I didn't take it this morning and I'm still awake.

I feel like a whiney child!

And I'm acting like one too.

I'm not at all looking forward to school tomorrow. I know it's not really supposed to be a big deal, and I don't even have to go to class if I don't want to, but still, it's 8 o'clock (which has been more like 7.15 recently) till 9 in the evening.

13 M.F. hours!

And I only have 4 classes.

Ugh... it seems like that word is another new staple in my vocabulary .

After nutrition tomorrow, or maybe after posting this, I'm going to start looking for meal plans. I can't afford to see a nutritionist (and this is endlessly hilarious to me because I'm taking a nutrition class) and I really need a set plan to try and set up boundaries.

I see my T on thursday and hopefully she can approve what I find.

I'm thinking something along the lines of what we had at Renfrew:

I just need to figure out what the nutritional shit was. It feels like yesterday I was ip at Renfrew, but it was almost 2.5 years ago.

Sometimes I wish I was back.

Like, I wish I didn't have an Ed but I feel like getting help now, before I was trapped in that overpowering cycle (before accidental overdoses that may or may not have really been accidental) then treatment might actually work.

I do know that one of the most important things for tx would be getting my family on board, which would be uber difficult because we're in such tight quarters and there's so many of us (Me, Madre, Gram, Haley, Xavier, Debbie, and 3 cats and 3 dogs), or more realistically, getting out of this house.

Which is why I think IP or residental would be so benificial.

My first therapist and Dr B. recommended "theraputic boarding school" when I was in 10th grade, after the first year of "mucho de suicidal".

Unfortunantly being poor got in the way of that. So I got to hang at my normal school, at least when I wasn't trying to off myself.

Grr... I feel like there really was supposed to be a uniting theme with this post besides blabbering, but I just can't find it.

Night luvies,

(although I doubt I'll be going to sleep, more likely just reading fanfiction like the loser I am :P )